Eminem AKA

First blog holla! Finally right? Well, I've come back to you well informed on my topic and at the same time a little honestly uninterested.

I now know what a Rockumentary is! It is defined as:

a documentary about rock music.

Wow. Because I definitely would have been lost without that informative definition...

ANYWAYS, I watched my first one tonight called Eminem AKA made in 2004. Technically it's not about rock music so I guess that makes Dictionary.com wrong. Moving on, it was quite informative; especially for a luke-warm Eminem fan. I'm not a huge rap fan and if I do like any of it it's usually pretty mainstream. Sorry underground rap hipsters. I think in my total archive of Eminem (I'm already getting sick of typing that word) I have 9 songs; four of which are featuring other artists. None are pertaining to any of his personal struggles that I'm aware of except maybe "Not Afraid". The movie begins with a brief summary of his life that could have been easily read from Wikipedia. Which I did. Then of the different stages of his life shown with comic book pictures, very original... *cough* MARVEL *cough* and the theme of comic books throughout the movie. It does have relevance however, according to Betty Kresin, Todd Nelson, and Debbie Nelson-Mathers a young Marshall Mathers (Eminem) loved heros and Eminem quoted in his song "Sayin' Goodbye To Hollywood" Eminem raps, 

"Bury my face in comic books...cause I don't want to look at nuthin', this world's too much,"  

Betty Kresin is Marshall's grandma, Todd Nelson is his uncle, and Debbie Nelson-Mathers is his mommy. Basically, the entire time the mom and the grandma (who are mother and daughter) have a 14-year-old-girlish-fight about who's to blame for Eminem being so screwed up. I summed it up as: the Grandma is irresponsible and won't take any blame for marrying a whole bunch of alcoholics and not to mention at the age of fourteen (that's an eighth grader by the way). The mom is the type that thinks she's doing well but could be doing much better and Eminem says in an interview (not in the movie) that she was constantly suing someone. She also moved him back and fourth between Missouri and Detroit about 20 times for no apparent reason before he was even in the sixth grade. Uncle Todd is the good father figure. 
So the mom and Marshall end up in Detroit for good and the dad abandoned them when Eminem was little. Debbie went on to make it seem like they were the only white people in Detroit and when Marshall was 12 or 13 a black kid put him in a coma in the school bathroom where it took Eminem a year to regain motor skills. 

I personally hate reading paragraphs so here is a basic list of his life:
Born, dad abuses mom ( he leaves), mom and Marshall move a lot, settle in Detroit, Marshall gets Chris Browned in a bathroom, Kim Scott moves in with Mathers family as foster child, Kim and Eminem fall in love, mom won't allow it, Kim and him move out and live with friends, Kim gets preggers, Eminem is starting to get famous via rap battles, Hailie Jade Mathers born 1995, Eminem gets fo reahl famous, him and Kim get married, mom sues Eminem (her only son) for deformation of character for 10 MILLION DOLLARS, and then he and Kim get a divorce.

I really did feel bad for the mom until she SUED HER OWN SON. Yeah, Ms. Motherofthecentury you definitely got your ten million... Just kidding. She only received $25,000 which she had to use to pay off her lawyers and taxes with so basically she burned a bridge in a 90210 style. Another ridiculous suit was the boy that put Eminem in a coma... yes, he is working as a trash collector. No, he did not receive a penny but he did receive a rap form of a decline of suit from the legal department. Seriously. I guess the judicial system does develop a sense of humor in their spare time of proving false paternity of pregnant Justin Bieber fans. Even the sweet old daughter-blaming granny jumped on the Eminem cash-cow and wrote a tell all book about Eminem and Debbie's relationship. I bet she knits and bakes cookies too.

So, by now I'm wondering when is Eminem going to speak for himself. Because the constant feuding and inconsistent information from the mom and the grandma has me confused. So I'm waiting and waiting throughout the film and still no Marshall Mathers. They roll the credits and I'm left with a million questions. The entire thing made it seem like Eminem was dead and couldn't speak for himself. It was insanely depressing. I get that he had a bad life and I really do feel for him, but even when he made it big they only emphasized on what was going wrong in his life. I was thinking to myself, "You have millions of dollars! Why not actually smile in a picture with your adorable two year old?" Speaking of which I had no idea how their relationship was. That was something I was actually interested in and they spoke so little of her that I Wikipedia-ed her and even told from the cold third person voice of Mr.Wiki was more heart touching than the entire movie! As it turns of Hailie is the same age as me.. "hmm... I wonder whats she's like," was my next thought.

Questioned answered. I've developed a rating system of 1-10 original right? 10 being I want to go marry this person or start a charity on the spot, 1 being I want to go slap this movie in the face with a blazing Hot Pocket. Eminem AKA receives.....